Cook your pasta al dente while prepping the rest of your ingredients. Drain. No need to cool before mixing in your ingredients, either.
Mix all the ingredients in the biggest bowl you can find, including the salt and pepper to taste. Then add some more pepper and mix again!
Chill at least 2 hours, but overnight is best. Because the dressings tend to tighten up a bit as the salad sits, you may need to add a bit more mayo/Miracle Whip just before serving. Enjoy!